Choosing Love

Choosing Love

“If I had the choice to love three seconds before I die or live forever, I'd love you for three seconds and an eternity later.” - Anonymous

 “Simply put:  Love Does”- Bob Goff

There are many types of love, and yeah, a lot of people know about them, but we are going to work on they type that is the most special, Agape love.  Agape love according to the Greeks is selfless, unconditional love.  This kind of love isn’t just emotional, its active too.  Agape love is unconditional, doesn’t seek self, is sacrificial, true, and most of all holy.  This kind of love is the greatest of all. 

Now I go into talking about Agape because on Sunday, March 4^th, 2018 I chose to propose to a woman that has rocked my world everyday from the day that we met.  She has truly had my heart, even before I knew it.  As any person out there knows about the nervousness that goes into planning a proposal, you know what you are asking for when you propose, and you want it to be perfect, because Agape Love is perfect.  When you’re planning the proposal, you are planning the worst, but hoping for the best.  You know that you are asking for her hand in marriage, asking for her to take your last name, your life, your everything, and so much more that you can and will choose to give unconditionally.  You are making the choice to get into a commitment that will span the course of many, many lifetimes.  You are choosing Love when you plan a proposal, and ultimately to go through with it. 

"Love isn't just those words we said

It's something that we do."

Love is a choice, it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling, but it’s actions, it’s words, it all sorts of things to many different people.  To me, it’s all the above.  Love is something that changes, it grows, it develops, it is unconditional, self-sacrificing, it’s dancing in  the rain with someone, it’s getting up at 3 AM to talk to that person because they had a nightmare, it’s arguing to prove that your point might be better, it’s holding that person when they’re crying, wiping those tears away, it’s reassuring them that they have nothing to be afraid of when they are feeling insecure, it’s knowing that when you wake up and go to sleep every day and every night  that she will be there, it’s knowing that heart pounding, butterflies in your stomach that never go away.  Love is helping her back up when she is down, lifting her up higher when she is doing awesome.  Love is sooooo many things to me but plain and simple, Love is Love, and I choose to Love.  So here is to the next chapter in our love story, My sweet Fiance Daisie.

Little Things Together

“Sometimes, little things make a big difference...” ― Nino Varsimashvili 

“You are stuck with me till the world falls to pieces, and if we’re not still standing even then we’ll still find a way to be together…” ― Ottilie Weber, End of the Line

I know, I know that I write a lot of pieces about what Daisie does for me, and I’m not going to stop anytime soon either.  But this isn’t just for me and Daisie, I want the world to see this and be inspired to write a love story of their own……..So here we go.

So everyone who is in a relationship knows that they have the things that they love the most about their relationships, I will call them the little things.  The little ways that each person who is in a relationship shows their significant other that they love them.  I cannot overestimate how much the little things matter though.  They could be from kissing, to holding hands, to telling that someone that you love them, and telling them how much they mean to you.  There are little things in a relationship that will add up to big things, big big ways of showing that person how much you love them.

The parts like calling me in the mornings, talking throughout the day, texting throughout the day, holding each other, kissing each other good night, or just talking about random stuff bring us together more than anything else will.  The little things are what bring us closer together.  These are the ways that you really show me that you love me.  Yeah people may say that it doesn’t take much to make me happy, well……it doesn’t to be honest.  I love hearing her voice, because it makes me feel like I’m there with her.  It keeps me connected to her, brings us together.

We have our awesome days, and yet we have our rough days too, but at the end of the night we get to hold each other and be together.  We are always together yes, hence our relationship, but at night getting to cuddle up with her, really brings us together.  We talk about our days, our dreams, goals, who we are, and really anything that is in our head, uncensored, open, and at times leaving ourselves feeling naked, and exposed, but it’s the nakedness that brings us even closer together.  In a relationship, doing the little things to bring yourselves closer together will make the biggest difference.

"I'm what you want and you're what I need
So let's meet in between
We're Gonna be, the greatest love story this town has ever seen
We're gonna be the greatest love story this world has ever seen,
so baby say yes to me"

Rough Days

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."—Confucius

 Rough days, you know the kind of days that make you want to scream, hit your head against the desk, and just fall apart.  For Soldiers with PTSD, or anyone really with any kind of anxiety disorders, the troubles, and darkness that we feel tend to be amplified from time to time.  I am a soldier with PTSD, Survivor’s Guilt, Social Anxiety, and Depression.  I have been through more than most people, and I will not compare my struggles with anyone else’s.  I have lost brothers, people that I could count on that were some of the strongest people ever.  Even the strongest people ever tend to fall from time to time.  Yes, rough days do happen, not everyday was guaranteed to be like Rose Garden.  Not everyday was promised to be a great one, but its what we do in those times of darkness, the decisions that we make, the people that we associate with, and the actions that we take that will either help us rise or allow us to fall. 

Today, me and my girlfriend were both having rough days, mine was dealing with a lot of personal issues all at once, along with issues with the house, and money, my girlfriend’s day was a horrible day at work.  My girlfriend, God bless her, took my rough day in, and kept me calmed down throughout the day.  She is the one who inspired me to write this post.  She loves me dearly, and her actions have really shown it today.  I had to make a choice, keep talking and allow her to vent, and encourage me, or I could have stopped the conversation, and just not talked about it.  I chose the first option.  I have always said that things can always be worse, because for me personally, they have been.  I was a guy that was homeless for a few days a couple of years ago.  I know that there have been worse days, and today yes albeit a rough one, wasn’t unconquerable. 

I will be the first one to write and say that any rough day can always be turned around, and any challenge can be accepted and won.  Any enemy can be defeated, and any rough patch can be trod through.  We all are born of free will, and my challenge to myself is what I’m going to do with this challenge, am I going to continue to climb, and succeed, or fall and fail.  I have the greatest support system, I have people that love and depend on me, so that decision is easy.  I will continue climbing, because I want to.  I want to continue to love the ones that are close to me and prove to them that any challenge can be overcome.

But I do have a regret at the end of today though, and I hope that she is reading this, Daisie, I’m sorry if I dragged you down a bit, I should have been more of an encouragement to you too.  We are in this relationship together, to lift each other up, and keep each other that way, and Daisie, I’m sorry for not doing my part today.  I love you my sweet and will try harder to make every rough day a better one for both of us.  Because any rough day can be defeated.

Unexpected

Things in life happen all of the time, well thats kind of obvious there.  I remember a few times that I have been lost, and I mean completely lost when someone would come in or something would happen and completely change the course for me.  That has happened a bunch of times to be honest. 

But there are those times that something happens, I don't know if I would call it fate, call it divine intervention, call it luck, or timing, that the stars line up perfect, that things come together that change your course forever.  The once in a lifetime event, the time that you find the one that you are truly meant to be with.  The one that makes you laugh, cry, smile, frown, and makes you happy.  You find that someone that truly shows you that you are amazing just the way that you are.  

She came along for me, I was blind, I was lost, and I was at a pretty bad stage of my life.  I was getting over someone, had my rebound and was about to give up when out of the blue, I see her.  She had been there all along yes, but I was too blind to see that she was falling for me.  She was a friend before, she had seen me through some really rough times, she had already felt the tears and made them go away.  She had already been a rock that I could lean on, but yet again, I couldn't see it.  

Then one day everything lined up perfect, I was asked to come and dance with her, she was at a formal by herself, and a friend of ours' had invited me to come and dance with her.  That dance, very unexpected, we both didn't know would change our lives forever.  We started to fall in love, and we became something that would turn out to be the greatest of love stories. I don't know how it happened, how the stars lined up that day, but I knew that I had to take the chance, knowing that it could be my last at love, I had to take it. 

 Things happen all of the time that are unexpected, and this was something that was the greatest thing to have ever happen, unexpectedly.  I love her with all of my heart, she is my rock, my salvation, my everything, and for all of eternity, we will be together, the greatest love story.

A New Day's Journey

“Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.” -Erol Ozan

“I am no longer afraid of becoming lost, because the journey back always reveals something new, and that is ultimately good for the artist.”- Billy Joel

I have sat here and wondered where this journey started, where it's taking me, and where it's going to end.  I question myself on a day-to-day basis.  The questions used to be:  Am I going to fall in love again, am I going to find my twin flame, am I going to be happy, and I mean truly happy, or am I going to wind up not finding anything, not being successful, and dying a death that didn't matter to anyone, and mainly will I be happy, and successful?

I am my own worst enemy in ways, but my best friend in ways too.  Trying to find that balance (knowing that I am an Afghan Vet with PTSD, Survivors Guilt, and Social Anxiety) has been a tough one.  I have endured a hard road to get to where I am at today, and believe me, this is only just the beginning of the new day's journey.  

I no longer question myself about where I am going to be, or what I am going to do with my life, don't have to.  This journey started in Afghan 11 years ago, I was forced to become a man, and wasn't ready to at that point.  I have had to learn a lot, trial by error has taught me a lot, and this new road is the greatest road that I have been on.  A woman, and elf, found me when I was lost, and blind.  She saw through the flaws in me, and has shown me a love that none can find except for 1 time in their lives.  Finding that true love isn't easy, believe me, but it is worth it.  The journey that you take to find her is rocky, rough, and just all around hard as hell.  In the end, when you have found her, that journey is worth it though.  This woman has seen something in me that no one else has, and now I get to call her mine.  This new day's journey is no where near over, in fact it is just beginning.

Until next week..........