Rough Days

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."—Confucius

 Rough days, you know the kind of days that make you want to scream, hit your head against the desk, and just fall apart.  For Soldiers with PTSD, or anyone really with any kind of anxiety disorders, the troubles, and darkness that we feel tend to be amplified from time to time.  I am a soldier with PTSD, Survivor’s Guilt, Social Anxiety, and Depression.  I have been through more than most people, and I will not compare my struggles with anyone else’s.  I have lost brothers, people that I could count on that were some of the strongest people ever.  Even the strongest people ever tend to fall from time to time.  Yes, rough days do happen, not everyday was guaranteed to be like Rose Garden.  Not everyday was promised to be a great one, but its what we do in those times of darkness, the decisions that we make, the people that we associate with, and the actions that we take that will either help us rise or allow us to fall. 

Today, me and my girlfriend were both having rough days, mine was dealing with a lot of personal issues all at once, along with issues with the house, and money, my girlfriend’s day was a horrible day at work.  My girlfriend, God bless her, took my rough day in, and kept me calmed down throughout the day.  She is the one who inspired me to write this post.  She loves me dearly, and her actions have really shown it today.  I had to make a choice, keep talking and allow her to vent, and encourage me, or I could have stopped the conversation, and just not talked about it.  I chose the first option.  I have always said that things can always be worse, because for me personally, they have been.  I was a guy that was homeless for a few days a couple of years ago.  I know that there have been worse days, and today yes albeit a rough one, wasn’t unconquerable. 

I will be the first one to write and say that any rough day can always be turned around, and any challenge can be accepted and won.  Any enemy can be defeated, and any rough patch can be trod through.  We all are born of free will, and my challenge to myself is what I’m going to do with this challenge, am I going to continue to climb, and succeed, or fall and fail.  I have the greatest support system, I have people that love and depend on me, so that decision is easy.  I will continue climbing, because I want to.  I want to continue to love the ones that are close to me and prove to them that any challenge can be overcome.

But I do have a regret at the end of today though, and I hope that she is reading this, Daisie, I’m sorry if I dragged you down a bit, I should have been more of an encouragement to you too.  We are in this relationship together, to lift each other up, and keep each other that way, and Daisie, I’m sorry for not doing my part today.  I love you my sweet and will try harder to make every rough day a better one for both of us.  Because any rough day can be defeated.